Friday, September 11, 2009

Song for A Friend

Well you're magic he said
But don't let it all go to your head
Well I bet if you all had it all figured out
Then you'd never get out of bed

“Okey, this party should be great or else I’m going to kill you”, I said with a threatening look. “ Won’t risk myself going like a clown in this crappy costume party for nothing”.
“I told you this would be fun! Beers will be over flowing and food will be unlimited, talent scout will be a crowd and…” as he go nearer to his ears and slowly whisper “boys…will be flooding the room and girls too” then he flashed a boyish smile.

No doubt
All the thing's that I've read what he wrote me
Is now sounding like the man I was hoping to be
I Keep on keeping it real
Cause it keeps getting easier indeed
He's the reason that I'm laughing

No one had accepted me as me not until I meet Mark. He was a singer in this bar I went to one sad night. He was so charming and appealing especially when he started to sing. He strum the guitar like no one had done before and constantly he give a smile to his audiences and I was not an exception. As he went to smile again at me, I started to lighten up and flash a shy smile back. Seems that was not a sad night anymore. After his performance at the stage he went near to my seat and asked if I mind sharing it to him. Half hesitant I give him a space, I was planning to soaked myself being depressed but then he started chatting. He sounds so airy but I loved his arrogance and after that night we became friends.

Even if there's no one else
He said, you've got to love yourself

My sexuality was never new to him and yet he never despised me for what I am. We used to hang out together and we became close friends. He seeks my advice on woman and I seek his advice on men. It was a mutual friendship and the different one that I never had before.
“you’re never ashamed to have me as your BFF?”, I asked him.
“why should I?”, he answered. “Besides among the friends I had so far you’re the best!” he added. “Gee! Your such a black crow! Too much flowery ei..” I defensively replied since I started to came blushing from his flattered words. “Hahaha…your such a ditch!”, as he grab me and curled one hand around my neck while he rub my hair with knuckles from the other hand.

You say, you shouldn't mumble when you speak
But keep your tongue up in your cheek
And if you stumble on to
You better remember that it's humble that you seek
You got all the skill you need,

Then from a solo acoustic performer Mark started to build a band and with it our friendship becomes a little more less of his priority. But I was obsessed with him, so I keep on chasing him from gigs to gigs and I was like a super avid fan instead of a back stage friend. From his popularity he got all the girls an while I was with him well I got all the boys.

You got something
Call it gumption
Call it anything you want
Because when you play the fool now
You're only fooling everyone else
You're learning to love yourself

In spite all the success he got he still came running to me, for one thing never changed I’m still his crying shoulder and his still my BFF. He shared to me his break ups and escapades, sometimes his worst fucks at certain whores and his break ups to a certain relationship. In the other hand his my knight and shining armor. He defend me from any offender and he is welling to get a fight if that’s necessary to respect me. He aids made from the pain I had from sadist boyfriends as I patched up his bruises from each time he went on for a fight.

Yes you are

Its hard to admit it but I find myself slowly falling for him., the thing that I fear most. I got jealous of his girls and I dreamed of sleeping with him. But no matter what happen he will never see me that way. He loved me as a friend and it will always remains the same.

There's no price to pay
When you give and what you take,
That's why it's easy to thank you

“Luther, is she your friend?”, one time as he saw me and Andrea in the mall.
“Mind if you introduce me to the beautiful lady your with”, he insisted.
“Oh! You haven’t meet Andrea?”, I pretend.
“Nope, you haven’t mentioned her to me”, he answered.
“Oh really? Silly me.. Well, this is Andrea Gonzales, my high school friend”, I introduce.
“High school friend? Luther… your such a bitch!”, she said. “I’m Andrea, Luther’s cousin, nice to meet you”, as she reached for his hands with a flirty eyes.
“Nice to meet you Andrea, Luther never mentioned to me he had a beautiful cousin… how come I haven’t seen you around?” he asked.
“Well, I just arrived for a vacation in your place”, she replied.
“Yeah, and she’s only be staying here for 2 weeks so you won’t have much time to spend fooling with her so Mark… whatever you’re planning it drop it off”, I said as to ward him off.
“Luther you’re so rude… how come you’re telling me like this in front of her? You offend me…” as he flashed his boyish smile and a wink to her.

Let's say take a break from the day
And get back to the old garage
Because life's too short anyway
But at least it's better then average
As long as you got me
And I got you
You know we'll got a lot to go around
I'll be your friend
Your other brother
Another love to come and comfort you
And I'll keep reminding
If it's the only thing I ever do
I will always love
I will always love you

That was the last time that I could bound with him. When Andrea came everything changed. He was more of different than before. His eyes where sparkling with love and they were so much in love from the looks of it. He had give up everything for her and I think even giving up on it he would never make second thoughts.

“Luther! I want us to celebrate tonight”, he called
“Whats the buzzed? Why seems so much happy?”, I asked.
“Im getting married! Andrea had given her yes…”, he said happily.
“Ha?” as I paused to compose my words. “That’s great! it’s a party then.”
“Absolutely a party! You should go with me to the costume party at Palace Tavern tomorrow”, he invited.
Costume party? Palace Tavern? Come on Mark… its too gay”, I protested.
“It will be great don’t worry… Okey I’ll pick you up tomorrow… see you then!” as he dropped the call.

Yes you
I will always, always, always, always love
I will always, always love
I will always, always love, love

Luckily I lived. But Mark did not survived that accident last night. Who would know it will end this way? It was too painful to bare. I lost not just one person but a family. I lost him and its forever. I never even had a chance to tell him let him know that he means to much to me. I never had the chance at all even to show how grateful I am and I never had a chance to tell him how much I loved him. I loved him, yes, I will always love him.

Climb up over the top.
Survey the state of the soul.
You've got to find out for yourself whether or not you're truly trying.
Why not give it a shot?
Shake it. Take control and inevitably wind up
Find out for yourself all the strengths you have inside of you

I Am Nothing

I knew a friend or I may not knew him well too much at all but one thing is certain, somehow in his life some things just happen the way he wanted it to.

“Well I tried to live my life and lived it so well
But when it's all over is it heaven or is it hell
So I better be happy now that no one can tell, nobody knows
I'm gonna be happy with the way that I am
I'm gonna be happy with all that I stand for
I'm gonna be happy now because the boy's going home.”

- Jason Mraz (The Boy’s Gone)

I lived with the bliss of what good things can offer, I lived with faith in what I believed in, I lived for myself and not for others, I lived my life just I want it to be, I lived and I loved. And to sum up all the things that I lived for in this life there are some things that somehow we can not lived for.

For me, this things are just the ones that we can not imposed on ourselves, this are the things that no matter how hard we try they just can never meant to be and no matter how much we want its just it never could be.

My life lived a different path because I took the road that less people traveled. It was never easy and it was never too well and out of curiosity, chances were never simple. They say I had the looks, the talent and the making of a good patriarchal figure but isn’t that too coined? Or too marginalized? Well, what do you expect? The society never accepts too much of the queer stories.

I graduated a degree that my parents can afford but if have I choice I may have graduated on a different course. I landed a job that’s too absurd because that what I see of it. I don’t work for a living but living means you have to earned it. I wanted to be something else somehow or maybe I just wanted to be someone who got the fame and the fortune. See I wanted easy money and I wanted it badly, I wanted a job that’s fit me and I wanted it too soon. I wanted to travel and I want adventure, I want this latest technology, I want these fancy clothes and I want this new toys. I want them all and I want it now. These are things that’s too materialistic and too plastic but these are the things that some shallow like me wants to have. Sadly these are also the things the no matter how hard I tried I just seem to get them one at a time. Its that I had to lived for what I can afford and lived for what I can have.

And then I had friends, I had lovers and I had fun. Getting along with people isn’t difficult and falling in love isn’t hard. You just throw a party and people will come running. Flirt and you had the sex. Say, I’m gifted with charisma and I just got this irresistible appeal. So thing just came handy just like counting one, two, three. I can be happy anytime I want to or Am I truly happy? When the music stop will some be there to dance with me? When the lights goes lime and the crowd becomes crowded will someone be there to pull me out and make me safe? Is there someone I can call home? Is there some one I can call friend?

They never stay that’s for sure and seems like they leave one by one. How many times had I seen them leaving ? I can’t seem to count it any more. I even lost count to how many of them stayed in bed with me.
But for sure the last one who left me had left me for selfish reasons. Then at the end of the day I may not seem so happy at all or maybe these are just the things that never could meant to be.

But that was all over, that was all past because now I am happy. I chose to be happy. I dried my tears and decided to draw a smile on my face. Life is constantly changing and I’m moving with change. I may not have it all but at least I have some of the piece. I may not be with someone but I am not alone. I am what I am and with all that I stand for. I’m gonna be happy now because I am going home to somewhere I deserved.

I am Mark and I am Nothing.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Ramadan is not a Festival

Since the last two weeks of August the opening for the holy month of our Muslim brothers and sisters had started, they call it Ramadan. It is time where there faith through constant prayers in more times of a day, there discipline and being steadfast is tested through fasting. Indeed it is a holy month that in the Muslim countries around Gulf areas in Asia tried to bind laws especially for Ramadan.

As a Filipino where most of the People are Christian by faith I don’t have a full grasp of what is Ramadan for the Muslims. Although in my country the past recent presidents tried to make the opening day of Ramadan a holiday in favor of our fellow Muslim country men I don’t give a damn care to know why such importance is being held, not until I worked around this Muslim Country called Bahrain.

Ramadan in Muslim countries is a very hard time for all. Not only for Christians but also for the faithful Muslims who had to continue living in a day and practicing the virtues of Islam. Imagine fasting (which means not eating or drinking anything from sunrise to sunset) and working at the same time under a scourging heat of the sun. Surely it takes great endurance and fate to last a day.

Since its my first time in a Gulf Country, it would be a great experience to savor first hand taste of Ramadan in a Muslim country. Yes, during the first few weeks I made my fasting. It was so hard to keep up without eating and drinking suddenly for a day when way back in our country I don’t even observe the fasting on Fridays during the Holy week. But what makes me endure? Well first, my two colleague Muslims and my Manager. If it wasn’t hard for them to endure the temptation of eating (where in every lunch time you could hear the clinging of the spoons on the tea cups and the smell of bread in the pantry) how much more me? So I keep my appetite tight until If-tar (breaking of the fast in the evening, well, If-tar really means an evening prayer). Secondly, the regulations and laws. During Ramadan shop opening and closing hours had been changed. No restaurant is allowed to open from morning not until sunset. Shop hours are shorten or changed and no one allowed to eat or drink publicly. So eating will never be an option for there are no restos and fast food open (means we need till evening for them to open), eating in a hiding place and with extra caution of not being seen by an Arab Muslim also lessen the appetite. And lastly, a test of my discipline. I don’t know but sometimes disciplines gives good result to focus people. I have been testing my patience and slowly it becomes more good so how about a shot for my eating habit? Maybe it’s a good way to start a diet.

But Ramadan as of being holy is being commercialized by businessmen and marketers. They give extra offers and discount for the Ramadan Season and they even made If-tar as a time for celebration and festivity for food. Which I say forfeit’s the essence of the holy month. Ramadan is not a festival at all.

To remind my fellow expatriates working and leaving in Muslims Country please let us respect the Holy month of Ramadan and let us join them in some ways of fulfilling virtues of faith. To Muslims who commercialized this season a lot, please be reminded of what Prophet Mohammad really says about Ramadan and its virtues.

Three days after our manager arrived from Um rah (a pilgrimage to Mecca within the months of the year but not between forty days after Ramadan/Eid) he give us this small bottle with spring water and dates from Mecca. He care to distribute it to all his staffs who are Muslims, Hindi and Christians in faith. He care to include us in his prayers and he doesn’t mind what we believed in. For this one fact that holds this act, We are all children of God and in his eyes we are all equal. Religion can not save you but only your faith.

She wants a Fairytale

Writen by: Jillian Daters


Once upon a time (well, this is how it should always start) in a land far away there lived a hunter who had married a disgrace princess. They owned a small farm and was always happy living in that simplicity. After the years the hunter who haven’t got divorced to his real mistress needs to make a crucial decision of choosing between the princess or his real wife. The disgrace princess was seven months pregnant and always hoping for the hunter to come back in the farm where they lived. She was always looking in the window pane while singing a lullaby to the baby in her womb.

Then winter came but still he didn’t came home. With all the pains of waiting and giving labor to a beautiful child she died after giving birth. The poor new born baby girl was left in the hands of the farmers tending the land. The midwife and the servants of the disgrace princess give her a simple yet solemn funeral and buried her remains at the middle of the forest. Her orphan child was named Eleanor and grow much pretty everyday in the home of her foster parents. They never deny her true identity and she grew in a hope that one day her undeserving father will come one day and explain to her his reasons.

Days pass and the land was never blessed with bounty. The poor farmer could no more feed a bigger family and they decided to trade some of their children as slaves to wealthy families. Eleanor was never an exception and so she work as a slave in the house of the Baron.

But the Baron did not treated Eleanor as a slave instead she was loved like there own daughter. They feed her delicious foods that she haven’t tasted yet, they’ve given her all the fancy dresses and dolls, they send her to a good school and most of all they loved her like their own child. The couple was never blessed with a child and they were so fond of having one. So Eleanor became an object of their affection.

Like all fairytales everything does not last a lifetime, they are also humans and they also die. The Baron got a terrible sickness and died in pain leaving Eleanor with the Baroness, her step mum. They never went along too smoothly ever since, it was only the Baron that keeps them to get along with each other, but now that he is gone the situation may got worst at all. Eleanor got fears for her future but she was tough enough to make everything well. She did not give up on her stepmother until she have learned to accept her.

At certain years Eleanor turned eighteen and more lovely while her stepmother were becoming old already. The Baroness decided it was time for Eleanor to know her secrets, for every family had a secret to hide, she got no one left but Eleanor and from the moment she entered in their lives she was a family already. She drag her to the door near the garage and try to move few bricks on the wall then suddenly a door swung open revealing a stair going down to the deeps of the house.

Eleanor got scared for the air as they descend was becoming more eerie and weird. She don’t what to do and tried to composed her courage. The more they go down the more she felt sick, a rotten odor mixed with perfumes and some ointments adds chills to her spine. She have no idea where in earth they are and what they are doing there.

“You are already 18 my dear”, at last her stepmother spoke.
“Today you will learned my secrets and I will pass on to you the great knowledge that only our clan knows. Not even you’re father knows this secret for this is only for the ladies in our blood. Since I am not blessed with a child and you are my only heir this will be a great honor for you.”

Eleanor who was half hesitant and scared was also eager and excited. She don’t know what will come out of her after she will become a full pledge witch. Her princess days are over and her witchery will about to begin. This is not what all the girls wants but this is not all the girls could have. And even thought it was odd she felt like honored and blessed.

After years of training her stepmother’s days were counted and Eleanor will soon became a full pledge witch. When she was a kid she dreamed of fairytales and now she was a grown up she could never believe she will be a fairytale character. Not the princess but the witch. But not all fairytales are only for princess, for like her, she also had her own story.

So the story your are about to embarked is not about your usual fairytale of a princess finding her prince but about a witch and her coming of age, her quest for power and finding true love in spite her marginalized character. If you wish to continue dreaming and believing about being a damsel in distress and happy endings then you have the option to stop reading this book right now. But if you wished to know how a witch makes her own fairytales then I encourage you to prepare yourself and be ready to flip the next chapters.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

I Don't Write Happy Endings

SBN Breaking News
I don’t write happy endings

SBN Breaking News

“The Famous Author of the well-loved books by young ladies ‘She wants a Fairytale’ will be visiting St. George Café tomorrow morning. Jillian Daters who is a medical technologist by profession will be giving her fans the opportunity to have their books signed. Ms. Daters made a successful debut in writing “She wants a Fairytale” last summer. Thereafter, Dreamcast Studio made it a movie set to hit the big screen late summer next year. The successful medical technologist turned writer shocked the world after offering readers a new intense style of stories. This is your gossip informer Teresa Genes.”

Yes, that’s me on the news. All my efforts had paid off after all. A successful writer. What more can I ask for? Isn’t this what I have always wanted?

After he dumped me or, shall I say I dumped him, I felt and became so much better. I got myself back on track and got to do whatever I wanted. Well, wasn’t that good enough to make him regret his decisions? Who’s the loser now?

Jillian Daters, Writer, Young, Talented, Beautiful, Smart, a Woman and Just recently became single.

I look at the mirror everyday and I see the same old me. No matter how I sort my hair, put my makeup or change the way I look, I am still what I am in front of the mirror inside and out.

After that bastard dumped me I was never the same again. Along with his flight, he took away what I know I could have become.

I was a fool to build my dreams around him --I was a fool to love him. Yet the question, ‘how come he never came back for me?” Was that so easy for him to leave me? Was there any love left? Or perhaps he never loved me in the first place?

I knew from the very start it was going to be difficult. It was like a game of Cat-and-Mouse or Tug-‘O-War. I had kept trying to work things out, to make the relationship work but why the hell did it end up like it was my entire fault?

They say he had gone tired of understanding me. Haven’t they seen my efforts? I got tired too. I became stagnant and could not seem to move on. All those years we spent together had gone to waste.

Then my mother called me, “Dear, that was why we were so protective of you. We didn’t want you to get hurt but your father said we should let go of you. You can never appreciate a flower grow if you keep watching it. Let the rain and sunshine bless it so that a flower can bloom.

“And he was right. You will never learn if we keep you so much in our hold. It might be too painful but it will make you a better person. This is part of growing up and this is part of what we call life. We believe so much in you that we know you can always stand up after every fall. And if that man leaves you, don’t forget that he’s the only one who’s leaving. The part of a greater whole in you is still stays with you. Just look back around and you will see your family and friends will always be there to catch you.”

I looked at myself in the mirror a second time afterward and I saw a better me. I wiped off my tears, had my hair done and put on a nice armor of makeup. “No, Jillian Daters is not bitter. She is GOOD!”

I went on with my life and I started doing what I love doing most --writing. I wrote down my love story which later became a book. I wrote it not for him but for every girl to know that life’s happy endings is our choice.

I started dating again and actually started to have fun! I began to know myself better and to move on.

Then my book got published and became a best selling sensation. I felt the change within my grasp and as I saw my name in the papers. My name got whispered around to a loud clamor as my name and my photos got more spots on television shows. I became famous to the point of being a source of quotable quotes myself.

“This world should never be just a patriarchal society. Every woman should deserve a fair share of everything. We have been created equal and are thus equal regardless of gender. Fairytales of princesses as damsels in distress are all too absurd! Women should not be taken in by foolish chauvinistic tales meant to feed the masculine ego. These are just ploys for us to look easy and too weak. These I shall keep proving wrong! This is the reason why I do not write happy endings for there are none. We determine how we make our endings. We can actually choose to make them happy ones!”

Yes, that was me again saying my final words at a late night show interview. I have moved on so far now. I said those words in a manner so strong I even trembled with conviction after watching myself in the boob tube. Partly thanks to him for morphing me into this and many thanks to my dear mother for shaking me off a living nightmare. It had been a long day and a long night. Now, it was time to get a well deserved long rest.
Knock..Knock. Knock.. The loud rapping resonated around my apartment.

Now, who the hell could be disturbing my peace at this time of the night? I got down and tried to check on the person at my door.

“Who is it?” I said haggardly to the closed door. .

“Jillian, it’s me Ray! Can I come in please? I need to talk to you about that interview you gave tonight”

“Oh Ray! It’s very late, what’s so important about it that can’t wait ‘till in the morning?” I opened the door wide and bade him in.

“Can I get you something to drink? You look so tired.”

“Oh no, don’t bother. I’m good. I just came here to tell you about the audience reaction about your last statement in that interview.” Ray looked strangely nervous and gloomy at the same time.

Curious now, my tiredness abated some to ask, “Okay, what about it then?”

“It’s just that some male viewers didn’t like what you said”, he said thickly.
“Is that all? I don’t see any problem in that…” my words hung when he reached into his left pocket to draw out a pocket knife.

“Well now it will be a problem bitch!”

I was reduced to mere horrified gasps as I felt the cold steel of the knife he plunged into my chest several times as he spat out, “This one is for my brother! You whore! And this one is for hurting me!”

Then, I knew nothing more.

SBN Breaking News:

Early this morning the New York Police Department found the body of well renowned novelist Miss Jillian Daters sprawled by the front door of her Manhattan apartment. NYPD received the call at 6:34 A.M. from Ms. Daters’ housekeeper Mrs. Maria Castillo who discovered her body when she came in to do her usual routine.

Forensics reports reveal that Ms. Daters’ was concluded to have died from massive hemorrhage sustained from three stab wounds on her chest. She also sustained a fractured right arm that gave evidence to a struggle. Ms. Daters was last seen right here on our studio last night for an interview spot at the Clark Lewis Late Nights with Fame show.

The NYPD is still looking at the angle of robbery with homicide. Initial investigation by the police found the apartment ransacked and Mrs. Castillo confirmed that some of Ms. Daters’ personal belongings have gone missing.

The suspect has yet to be identified and apparently remains at large.

Jillian Daters was the author of one of today’s most popular books “She Wants A Fairytale” that had taken mostly female audiences by storm. She was scheduled for an autograph signing of her book at 4:00 this afternoon at St. George Café.

Now, instead of the book signing, her fans will be trooping to her apartment building where they have begun laying out a shrine of candles, flowers, and posters expressing their grief, devotion to their heroine, and their clamor for justice over the gruesome crime. While the family of Ms. Daters and the rest of the world are still in shock over her sudden demise, her avid fans are holding a prayer vigil.

That’s about it for this hour’s breaking news, this Teresa Genes reporting live at the SBN newsroom.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

The Tale of Love Songs

What I needed most was to love and to be loved, eager to be caught. Happily I wrapped those painful bonds around me; and sure enough, I would be lashed with the red-hot pokers or jealousy, by suspicions and fear, by burst of anger and quarrels.

-St. Augustine

The moon was perfectly round, it was shining too bright and the land is celebrating.
People somewhere in a part of the world are so festive, they have there cups full of wine to drink and there plates are bountiful of meat and all the food the meadows could offer. It was no ordinary day they are offering thanks giving, they are in a sort of gala to the gods for another harvest was made. But a midst all the happiness you can feel and the loud music you can hear there hearts are not joyous. They never find the true meaning of being happy and everything they could have are so superficial.

Mark are you listening to me? Why are you not raising your cup?” The man in short leather cape with a medieval dress that resembles like a knight raised his big barbarian cup full of grind grapes mixed with yeast. His shoes was wrap with rope and the belt were two loosen strap one made of cows skin and the other out of a deer. Perhaps a sword used to hang there before but due to time and odd poverty he had give up his sword and instead replace it with a knife. “I am giving a tossed, this one is for Mark! He drag me out of the armory to celebrate his up coming wedding, say cheers to Mark!”

“Cheers!” The crowd in the tavern responded. Then they lift there cups in the air shake it a bit and make a tossed to the man sitting in the bar counter looking a bit bashful and red. He had this soft white camisole and lousy pants pair with a leather sandals.

Luther! What are you doing? Get down here” as he pulled the man who just made the tossed. “You already had drunk too much and you don’t know what you’re doing. Lets get out of this party before you’ve done too much damage for me.”

“Where are you taking me? Luther protested. “Will go home!” Mark answered as he drag Luther by the hand and pushed him inside the car. He switched the car engine on, pulled the lever and started driving away from the tavern. He despised the silence inside the car since Luther got snooze after he had lie down the passengers seat. Out of no where he pushed the stereo on.

Hours before the party Mark received a call.

“Andrea, why are you calling me? Is there something wrong?”
Mark, there’s something you need to know” the tone was so solemn and serious.
“What is it then? Tell me,” he seems so worried and uneasy.
“I’m breaking up with you, sorry, its over” then she almost started to cry before the line got cut off.
“Andrea wait! What seems to be the problem? Wait, don’t do this to me… Andrea.. Andrea answer me!” he reprimanded before he realized the other line was already cut off.

Back inside the car.

“Damn love songs! How many are there in the world? Can people write something else better than this topic? Damn it! Damn love!” he shouted as he started to twiddle the radio. While Luther on the other hand was already sound asleep.

One day before the party at the costume store.

Mark was picking up some shirts to wear while Andrea was busy chatting with the cashier on the counter. Then he saw her made a glance at him and then he felt so much love that he cannot resist appreciating the beauty of the girl that came with him in the shop right now.
“Andrea, until when will you love me? He asked her as he was caressing her long soft curly hair.
“Well, can hear that love song?” she asked.
“Yes, what’s with it then?” as he keeps on listening for the music, it was a classic one from Michael Johnson, I’ll always love you.
“As long as that love song keeps on playing I will always love you.” she answered softly and give Mark a kissed on the check.

Inside the car.

“Is there any station right now that doesn’t play any love song? Luther! Are you listening to me?” he shouted.
“What’s you’re problem with love songs anyway?” Luther was awaken by so much noise that Mark was making. “Aren’t they too fucking bullshit? Hahahaha…” Luther laughs sarcastically before he passed out on the car floor.
“Man..! You fuck up! Don’t messed up on the floor!” he warned as he continue tuning the stereo buttons.

One month ago. Andrea rushed inside Mark’s room.

Mark, are the rumors true?” she seeks out for an honest answer. “You’re leaving the band?”
“Yes, its true. Isn’t that what you want?” he said.
“Oh Mark! I can’t believe it… but isn’t it too much? I mean you love the band and you love playing music…” she seems worried.
“But I love you more than anything else in this world and I’m willing to give up everything rather than to lose you.” then he give her a hug.
Mark… I could not ask for more…” then she reached for his lips and they give each other a tight locked kiss.

In the car again.

“Damn! Damn! Damn!” as he smashed the stereo with his hands. Then slowly he paused for a while, as teardrops feel into his eyes followed by a bright light and a skretching sound. After that the love song then all fade out.

Friday, September 4, 2009

The Troll Mirror

“I can’t believe it myself!”

I am at the highest place in the city, above are the blanket of stars and below it are the sparkling city lights. Beside me is the prettiest girl I have known all my life, we were seated on the dewy grass watching the busy world pass by in a breezy evening atop this hill. She slowly moves her body next to me trying to feel my warm as I stretched my arms to embrace her. She then lean her head forward to my shoulders as I enclosed us in a heartfelt hug. Shooting stars passed us and the moon was so perfectly round and bright.
Then we moved our faces to each other while closing our eyes with our hearts beating faster and the blood rush eager for a romantic…

“Lei!” I was awaken with the loud shout at my face.
“Here you are… we were all so busy while you’re day dreaming here in this secluded corner?”
“Aha.. Would that be right? The President of this organization had a few minutes to spare taking a nap while his subordinates are damn busy doing the preparations for this exhibit which is about to start…” as she checked her watched. “…An hour from now?” OMG! We should not be wasting more time chatting here Mr. President?” with a serious eye brows raised look. “Okey everybody please checked the final preparations we will be opening an hour from now.” “And for you Mr. President…” as she look back to me and tried to fix my hair. “…Please cleaned up yourself and try to be pleasant to our guest , they will be arriving sooner from now and we can’t afford to present them a grungy President. You know very well the Dean is expecting much from us.”

“What more can I say?” as I crumpled back my hair “You already spoiled my romantic dream… and one more thing, don’t worry about the Dean, he won’t mind a punk ass looking president of this organization entertaining the Mayor of this town. He cares less anyway.” Then with a bold impression I move forward to her putting my two hands across her shoulder, “And for you Ms. Vice-President can you calm down for some moment? Don’t worry about the exhibit thing so much, surely we can give this school a successful opening day.”

“We better should or else were doomed.” as she push my hands away then turn her back to walk towards the other crew.

Ice was the prettiest girl I have seen in my whole life. No one can resist her beauty and charm plus a killer personality and an addictive allure she fits to be a queen. No wonder she truly embodies the Snow Queen persona she had been numb to all the boys sweet promises and her heart had been cold to any romantic love. She always had more important things on her priority list and love or romantic relationship was not on it.

I have been trapped in her charm and I can’t seem to find any wrong with her. Honestly, she is so bossy, a perfectionist, hard to satisfy and so high standard but who can blame a Queen like her? I have fallen in love with her and I can’t take her away from my dreams. She haunts me and her voice seems like a lullaby to my ears. I wanna be with her and I could not live without her. Not until today…

“Wake up Lei!” I told my self.
“You refuse to see the truth, you’ve been charmed! Can't you get it? She will never fall for you, she will put you in the same category with all the guys she have known and charmed if you continue being like this. Prove her your different! See the beauty in ugly for not all the things in this world is wonderful!” Then a strong slap landed in my face where in a small splinter from the troll mirror dislodge from my eyes. It was it and now I’m awaken.

I saw her sobbing while walking away from me. It was her who slap me. It seems like I had embarrass her among the crowd. I don’t know what I have done to her but one thing for sure I will not allow it to happen again. Then I fasten my phase and catch up to her. There is a lot of apologizing to do. And with that splinter of the troll mirror out of my eyes I can see things more clearly now.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

I finally knew him!

…a big kissed in his blue nose and say
“from me to you”

My boss stupidly lost this compact disk (CD) of our customer, he was so worry that he don’t know how to get the same file back. We need to do a mug for this lady and the deadline will be tomorrow. So after all the tiresome search and retrieval thing in the office to find the CD we were left with the last option of downloading the same picture file from the internet. With the least I could offer to help them I volunteer myself to do the searching in the world wide web, then I meet him.

He was this grey stuffed thing with blue nose and patches in his body, he was tatty teddy. I could help but divulge myself to the profile of this wonderful thing. His hand drawn soft illustration was so cuddly and fascinating that it draws me back to my childhood years.

Say it wasn’t the first time I meet tatty teddy. Way back about 7 years ago I have seen him already, I have shake hands with him and even try to cuddle his soft furs. He was a gift by someone to one of my best buddies. But I couldn’t care much about this teddy since nothing was so special with him. He was grey, he was cold and patched. Then few years past this teddy can’t get off my head. I can still picture out his sad look, his grey fur, the patch on his head and the blue nose that he have.

I could not conclude what was something with him that I could not push him out of my mind. Maybe it was pity or infatuation that I always look up to this teddy bear. Until I got to know the story of his life ( Then again I dig deeper to where I could attached this feeling to such toy or object which in some sort I found my answer by making association. I realized somehow I associated this toy too much to the person who have given this to my friend. Maybe the person’s personality reflects to much to tatty teddy. Like tatty teddy the person suffers from abandonment, loneliness and cold. It got cold feet, blue nose and tattering in some aspect of its life. Somehow the person is only waiting for someone to patch up its life and give it love and comfort. Maybe that’s why tatty teddy can’t be push out my head because it means something to me.

I owned a teddy which is soft and cushy yet dirty white with Chinese eyes and somehow I can feel that every teddy a person owned, picks or give reflects its personality. Any ways thanks for inventing teddy bears at least children and children at heart have something to cuddle and hug in place of someone we have in mind. And one thing is certain no one is too young or too old to owned a teddy.

(Sadly my teddy which I named Moimoi was adopted by my friend for I have to leave him for a while. Yet surely I missed my bear)

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

It also happens here

Today’s issue of the Gulf Daily News (GDN) makes me decide to write and post this blog.
Every morning as I reach the office I always look for the daily issue of the GDN newspaper. Although I don’t always get hold of the paper first since its either my manager or my female officemate got a grab of it to read. In this case I just sit in front of my computer open some files and wait for my turn to read the paper. This morning it was my manager who had read the newspaper first as he go through the headlines he had noticed the picture of a baby in the front page just below the bold letters of the headlines. Then as went along to read the news my female office mate got a look of the picture as I myself stand up to take a peek too. With her curiosity she had read the news a loud.

“A new born baby was left abandoned in the parking lot near Riffa mosque around 3 pm yesterday..

“It is outrageous”, she exclaim after reading the news.

I could never blame her emotion towards to what we just read for it was really outrageous. How can a parent abandoned a child under the summer heat at three in the afternoon? This parents have no conscience. Which brought me back to the truth that even in this country incidents like this also happens. The news would never sound too shocking or too new way back in my country. Every now and then news of new born baby found near a trash can, in the drainage, in a box or what ever place they could put it often find its place in the local papers or in the television. We can never point fingers on whose to blame for we never know the reason for there action but who ever it is to blame one thing is certain the man who does these things had lost its soul in the abyss of uncertainness. Its mind has been clouded and its eyes are blinded, it has numb feelings and its conscience are weak. How can be abandonment in an empty space can be an option for new born children who haven’t bare any fault of being alive in this world?

Just this year I know two friends who are eager and willingly happy to bare a child. But it isn’t there time yet to have one for unfortunately they had miscarriages. Its very pitiful to see a mother denied of a child aside from the medical trauma she had to undergo there is this denial and mourning she had to face everyday until she knows its over.

Ironically, just few days ago one mother I know had delivered a healthy baby boy. As I saw the new born baby when they had arrived home from the hospital I feel this fascination and joy that life had brought to this world. Much more the emotion of the mother, although tired, visibly can’t be contained.

With these I always wonder what fate had gone into the parents who had abandoned a gift of life into there very home, what courage had put them into doing such thing and what emotion they have to outpour to do the action. Life is truly a rare blessed gift for as much as many of us wants it many of us also despise it. It take 3 mothers to give birth to one child, and to every child that is born there is one being abandoned.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Cat woman is a Mother

Cat woman is a Mother

A mother’s love is truly immeasurable.

To someone who resembles the name.
This might not be your true story but I hope this will continue to inspire us all as you have continued to inspire me.

Yes! The rumors are true. Cat woman is not just a fictional character from a comic books, she is real. And she’s even a mother, Yes, she’s a mother of two. She is better known as Claire by morning and Catherine when the evening strikes. Lets just say they know her by that name but honestly she has no identity. Heroes keep there profile confidential and its to difficult to spot who they really are and who they are not. Luckily, I got a good source and I’m spoiling some of her hidden secrets.

Cat woman which we will call by the name of Claire is a very talented person. Well, all heroes are talented maybe I should change the introduction. Claire is a very good mother, see not all comic heroes are mother, that makes her different from the rest of the heroes society. She can save the world while tending her children and she can create change while molding her sons. Abel and Michal, that’s the name of her loving sons. They where fabulous children, young and talented like their mother. If only they know how she had worked hard for them they would be even more prouder. She is a creative person and her creativity excels from the ordinary. She had outlived her nemesis with her wits and ability. They can never know that her source of energy are the two sons that she had. They are her weakness and this is what the enemies failed to see. Because a mother would lay her life just to save her children and that is why she had been keeping her profile very low. Its difficult to spot her because she on the go and she seems living like single that you will never knew she already had two children. Very genius of her to keep this truth away from the public’s eye.

See, what makes Claire the real Cat woman? Here I will lay down my proofs.

First, she loves cats. The attribute which can be only connected to Cat woman’s character. Claire had five cats at home and all are abandoned kittens she had picked up from the streets while going home from work. She tends them very will given them shelter and food. She even welcomed them to her family and considered them as one of her children and her children’s playmate.

Secondly, She works from morning till morning of the next day. How’s that? No ordinary person had the extra energy to do a work for more than 24 hours without even resting. Unless you’re some one different or you’re some one who had those extra capabilities. She works as call center service personnel from nine in the evening to seven in the morning. Then after her duty hours she took good care of her children in the morning. Prepare there food, there uniforms and there things. After that she drives them to school while she heads for another job. After another work had been done she can be spotted in her home doing paper works and extra staff. Then she will fetch the children, prepare dinner and teach them their lessons. When the children goes to sleep that’s were she leaves for the call center work. Wonder does she sleep? Well, that what I don’t know. Then where in the schedule is saving the world? Well, you can see some irregularities in her schedule and sometimes at night. Only a superhero knows how to manage a time like this and I can’t even tell how she does this.

Third, like cats she had nine lives. Actually she only have five left. She had died already four times but as you can see she’s still alive and kicking some ass. The first two death was a failure in the relationship. One, with the father of her children and second, with someone who does not know how to show gratitude. Her third death was when her nourished career refuse to grow, it just suddenly died. She should have deserve more than just saving the world. She’s a talented person and extremely capable but I guess she just keep herself humbled. Lastly, her financial income just depleted. That’s the reason why she is now into burglar works. She doesn’t just steal to be rich or be luxurious, she steals to earn a living and to survive. She have two sons to feed and five cats to tend. She had bills to pay and debt to resolve. With a low income from her unfitted job surely expenses will come high. She had five more lives to live and she had no time to waste one anymore.

Lastly, she does not grow old. Its so rare of a person who lived in this world without growing old even plants withered. But Claire as far as I know had lived for years and she is still counting. She may have birthdays but its all worthless for she does not aged. She still looks young and charming, and the way she moves and acts still fits to what generation she is in. I don’t know if cats do live so long? But she do lived her life so well.

No troubles can let a hero down and that’s what I see in her. She fights every nemesis with all her might and power. She lives and survive and yet she saves lives. Cat woman or Claire what ever her name is, she does exist. No wonder from the first time I meet her she looks very intriguing. Behind it all now I know she’s not so ordinary. I am still following her every moves and watching her actions, I am keeping an eye to this hero that most of us does not recognized.(They hide there selves in the shadow and that is why I’m revealing them to the public.) Her secret lives are over because I’m keeping an eye on her. There is a lot for the public to know and learn from and nothing will stop me from exploiting her good example. A mother, a good colleague, a treasurable friend and an extra ordinary citizen that’s Claire, the real life cat woman.

The Penguin

Friday, July 3, 2009

She was the Snow Queen

“Put the sets ready!
Check the flowers
Okey prepare the brides maid!
Escort the guess
Put the trails”,
she instructed her staff.

“Now where’s the Bride? Any one seen the Bride? She should be ready any moment now! The ceremony will start in 15 minutes”, she asked.

Without a response from her busy staffs she decided to search for the bride herself. She checked every where the bride could have gone but she wasn’t there. She was nervous for this particular situation because everything was all ready. The only thing she needs to do was let her walk the aisle and then she got paid. Well somehow she walks the aisle or not they will surely pay her services. But she always loves happy ending even though her own story haven’t got that ending yet.

Then she heard a sob coming from the garden. She run to see who would be that someone hiding from the garden and sobbing. It was the bride indeed as she suspected. Her make-up were all set but gets a little ruin with the few tears that’s coming from her eyes.

“Why are you crying”, Ice asked.

“I don’t know why I’m crying maybe I just can’t believe that this is happening for real” the bride replied.

“Its just normal, Its just wedding jitters as they say”, she comforted.

Ice was a successful wedding planner. She had been in the business for just two years yet her clients where outstanding. She had seen so many brides already, they were all dressed in fancy gowns, bringing there most loved bouquet of flowers and walk down the aisle to meet there prince. Such lovely fairy tales she had witnessed but she could never picture her own wedding. She was astoundingly beautiful, curly length hair, fair skin and lovely eyes. She was a goddess in person or maybe a queen and she can lure any guy to fall down there knees and beg for her hands. But since the day she realized that loved could only bring chaos to her world she decided not to get any romantic affair from anyone, not until she is ready.

“Then when will you be ready?”, Lei asked.

“I don’t know… Its just that its not my priority as of now. See Lei I still need to pursue my career, I need to build my own house, tend my business and save more”, she reasoned.

“But you can always do both? Besides isn’t it nice to have someone who you can share you’re dreams, you’re success, or you’re life?” he insisted.

“No offense Lei but right now I don’t need a guy in my life”, she answered back.

“Okey what if I say I’m gay? Will you accept me in you’re life as a partner? Cheese gay is not a guy right?” he jokingly asked.

“Ha ha..” sarcastically she said.
“You a gay? Come on Lei who will believe you? You can’t fool anyone with that joke and my answer is still a No”, she stressed out.

“And why are still single right now?” she asked back.

“Its just that I’m waiting for somebody who just can‘t make any relationship a priority right now”, he answered.
“And who would that be? Ahem?”, she said with raised eye brows

“Okey Okey… I won’t argue anymore but I will always be here when ever you needed me. You know I can’t resist you”, he said.

“Okey then this conversation is over”, she ended.

Lei was her confidante since college years. He was never into her not until there fourth year. They have been together for several designing jobs and they even both indulge in a café work one summer. He had found her really beautiful and charming with an irresistible beauty. No wonder many boys have fallen for her but she was smart and witty, and she’s like the Snow Queen numb and cold. He never truly revealed his feelings for her because when he always try to do so she always sees it as a joke. She never seriously take what he says and sometimes put him down ahead before he could finished what he had to say. She was really a Snow Queen and Lei knows that. Ice had lure so many guys and intentionally or unintentionally she had left them stranded or heart broken. She often complains about the way these guys treated her but she never listens to a word to the complain about her treatment to them. But in spite all of that he always remain beside her seen or unseen because he knows one day her heart will be warmth again and will be open to loved him the way he loves her.

He never knew who she really loves for aside him she also had another confidante who is still waiting for her answers and there were many more. Lei thinks they were all like Kai trap in the Snow Queen’s palace and still looking at there selves in the mirror of reason.

One day Lei receives an email from a certain Mark,

Hi Lei!

Its me Mark, you might not know me so well but I’m one of Ice’s suitors. I just drop by to say Sorry for what I really did to her and I know your angry with me because of the note you have leave in my web page. Its just I really loved her so much but things just got complicated. I don’t know how to handle things anymore. She always gives me hope of being us together but I grew tired of waiting. Then I meet somebody and she had loved me so much that I felt guilty for I cannot loved her back. We were together but my heart still remains with Ice. I don’t know what to do when knew about her. She burst into anger and started to do craps on her. I know its my fault and I’m really sorry.

For now Ice and I were friends again, so I hope you will also forgive me. Somehow it just all happened because I loved her and until now I can’t resist her. I know you loved her too so I’m giving up on her for you. Hope you will take good care of her.



My girlfriend an I just broke up recently. I just can’t keep being unfair to her. She always know from the start that my heart belongs to Ice.

Lei don’t know what to do. “She had made it again! She has been using my email to make her schemes that’s why she asked for my password. How many more guys does she needs to lure?” he asked himself. He realized that all her victims were in misery, there hearts trapped and could not moved on to love someone else including his own. She doesn’t know about it and she doesn’t care.

Then Lei got an offer to work out of the country. He had seen this as an opportunity to escaped her charm and he wished it will worked. She knew about the offer and she was happy for him but inside she knew she will lost a good friend, a confidante that teaches her so will. Lei had been like a teacher to her, his tough words always make her strong. He her personal critic, her adviser, her mentor and lover. If she could open her heart one day maybe it will be for him but like the Snow Queen she was tough . She did not show up when he leave, she did not shed a tear. As if Lei’s absence were nothing much for her and she always thought he is not the only guy. She always have her beliefs that only the toughest deserves her loved and only the true one can share her eternity. She had this test to every suitors she had, that whosoever can spell eternity with there tears will be set free from her charm. Lei had done it once for her and she always think maybe its time to set him free.

“Now get up maam and will be all set”, as she helped the bride to stand.

“You’re the fairest woman in the land right now and don’t let that butterflies in your stomach ruin this moment”, she said.

“Yeah, maybe I’m just being a crybaby”, as she wiped out her tears.

“Charlie! Help us out here!” she call out for her colleague.
“Fixed her make-up and set her to the venue”, she instructed.

“Yes Ice!” as he moved her away from the garden.

Then Ice left alone tried to go near the fountain. She noticed a tear just felt down from her eyes and it drop down to the fountain basin. She look at the water as the ripples tried to settled slowly. She noticed the reflection an tried to read the image when the water sets. “Eternity” as she reads the word. It was a reflection from a billboard just near the place. Then she turn her head up and carefully flash her hair as it bounce back to her shoulders. She post a smile in her cheeks and think of Lei coming home soon bringing her wedding ring.

DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fiction insofar as we are all, each and every one of us, including yours truly, and including you (perhaps most of all), works of fiction. Beyond that, it is pure and absolute nonfiction; and though its “author” technically never existed, at least not in the dense, empirical, flesh-and-blood sense, the personages and events herein depicted are drawn straight from life, as it were. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual places, living or dead, while purely coincidental from the point of view of intention, should surprise no one
-Sol Luckman

Rachelle's Remorse

“I should have change the question, If everything was right do I have the chance?”
- Rachelle Milligan

Love is simply it is.
It knows no physical aspect or gender.
It seeks no material or tangible favor.
It doesn’t look for power, fame or fortune.
Love is simply love.

Rachel was just one of the ordinary girls in town, trying the latest trends, going to the coolest bars, chasing the celebrities and hanging around the internet with her virtual friends. She was never a head turner even her high school days were a disaster. She used to be fat during the younger days and thanks to few unhealthy slimming schemes she lost a few inches in her belly. She never had a boyfriend since not because she was ugly but because nobody wanted her. The boys just seems to like her and stick around only as friends. She was just an ordinary girl not until Lucy came.

Lucy Shillington, how could no body know her? She’s pretty, smart and gorgeous. All the teachers seems to like her and everybody wants to be her friend. She’s famous in the campus, she’s a star not until she went to college.

“I always wonder why you have me as friend?” Rachelle ask her while they were watching the stars outside Lucy’s house.

“Because from the very start I always knew you will always be there for me. See that star up there?” as she pointed to the brightest one in the sky. “That’s me…” then a cloud cover the star letting its glow to fade away. “And sitting here below the ground starring at that star is you. You have been always around for me even though I am not a campus celebrity anymore. You’re a true friend…” as she gave her a hug.

“This isn’t right, it should be me who is thanking you… because you saw me when I was invisible.” Rachelle replied as she hug her back.

That night Rachelle felt something odd inside her, she can’t sleep and seems uncomfortable. As she turn to her side she saw Lucy’s face still pretty even though tired. They had made a lot of things earlier that morning and in spite of the stressful day Lucy’s angelic face seems never change. She was innocent and sweet as Rachelle keep looking at her for hours. Lucy had gone through uneasy life after high school, she always had troubles and problems where always her burden. The campus star before had lost its shining and the glorious moments. Everyone she knows had turn there back at her and she had become aloft to everybody but only Rachelle remains loyal at her side.

There days together were never the same after high school. Rachelle went to college in a different University and same as to Lucy. But both of them never lose there communication. They meet at the net or some times go out together. For several years in college Lucy had two more lover which had made her life easy for some time but Rachelle still have none.

The situation even gets worse when they finished college. Rachelle have to moved out of town to work while Lucy remain teaching in their hometown. Although they often see each other, Rachelle still treasures there friendship. She always visit the town on weekends and holidays and she always invite Lucy out with the rest of there old time friends. Rachelle remains the same Lucy becomes indifferent. Lucy had troubles with her family and even her boyfriends seems not helping out. She always have failed relationship and no one last with her. While Rachelle still single, she’s just happy going out with her friends specially with Lucy. She’s contented with their friendship why she never seeks out for another relationship with guys.

Rachelle tried to figure out what’s happening to her. She’s feelings towards Lucy isn’t the same anymore. She’s happy about Lucy and she care about more for her than herself. She wants to see her smile and she wants to caress her troubles away. She’s obsessed with Lucy and everyday she never stop thinking about her. “This isn’t normal!” she said to herself. “No it can’t be!” she added. Rachelle may not admit it but she’s in love with Lucy.

She was even her first kiss. It was just from a game where the losers had to kiss the winner’s will. Lucy lose and there friends asked her to kiss Rachelle in the lips. It was nothing for Lucy and the rest for it was just a game and besides Lucy and Rachelle were best friends so it doesn’t meant anything, its just a kiss for them. But for Rachelle it was different. The moment Lucy’s lips smoothly touch her lips, a shot of adrenaline rush just went straight to her heart keeping it to beat faster than normal. Then she knows that kiss means everything to her. Rachelle’s feeling towards Lucy grew intense but there relationship remains the same.

One day while she was having her overtime at work, she was chatting in the net, she saw Lucy appeared online. First they started chatting casually updating the status of their lives then suddenly it leads to a proposal. Rachelle don’t know what had happened to her, she got excited and at the anxious of the things she’s about to do. Excited at least Lucy had the chance to know what she really feels for her. And anxious because in the conservative society they lived in she knows its hard and different besides she‘s proposing this isn‘t normal for a girl. But the words she’s typing just come out like a bullet in the gun. She had accidentally pulled the trigger.

“Lucy I love you more than a friend.” she typed.

“What? I don’t know what to say and how to react right now. Are you joking?” she replied.

She could have pull it off by answering “Yes, I’m just kidding, so how was that?” but instead she didn’t back out anymore. She felt like this will be her liberation if Lucy knows everything she feels. “No, I’m not kidding, I am seriously in love with you and that is why I will do anything for you”, she press the enter key.

“But Rachelle… you know its wrong?” she answered.

“I would rather be wrong with you than be right without you”, she replied with strong conviction.
“What ever had happen to this conversation, I hope it won’t change the friendship that we had.” she said as departing words.

“Nothing will change Rachelle, will still be friends”, the lie she had to assure. For after the conversation Lucy grew more aloft. Now she’s not only aloft to the group of friends they shared but with Rachelle also.

Months past and everything change. Lucy was avoiding her and now she lost a friend. “You’re great Rachelle! Good job! You had just succeed in sending her away”, she said to herself while locking herself alone in the room. She had always regretted the day she had to do that. She always thought it would be liberating which was indeed liberating but with a high price to pay. “I don’t know whats wrong with what I’ve said? And why is she avoiding me?” she murmured. Then she head to the computer and tried to access the web. She had open all her networking society and keep glancing at Lucy’s pics. She visited Lucy’s pages every now and then hoping to get some message. She checked her email and every link that could connect her to her. She’s been doing this like almost everyday making her look more obsessed. But still she got no response from Lucy. Until she decide to make another move. She open her Face book, Friendster, Myspace and Multiply and posted a new shout out

“I should have change the question, If everything was right do I have the chance?” Hoping that one day when she opened her page she might read this. Still she’s waiting for an answer.

On the other hand, Lucy tried to forget everything that had happen. She had go on with her life and tried to expand her circle of people. She seeks new friendship and joins new group. She busied herself too much from work and tried to do many things at the same time. For once in awhile it makes her forget about Rachelle, it makes her forget to what she had said and to how she had ruin there friendship. Lucy had tried to pursue more suitors yet no relationship would last with her. She’s not happy anymore and the more she loves a guy the more they hurt her. She’s been giving love too much that she don’t know how to love herself anymore. Then she grew tired.

It was fate or destiny that after all the years she had tried to forget Rachelle she still can’t do it. So while surfing the net unconsciously she stumble upon Rachelle’s web page. She scroll down to the photos that where posted which was about them and the fun moments they shared together. Picture after picture Lucy tried to remember how it was good way back then. Until she had stumble to a realization that all this years Rachelle remains the same to her. She had loved her in spite everything she was and she stayed with her through thick and thin. “How could I not noticed?” she said. “She was always there when I need her and even if don’t care about her she’s still there.” Then she saw the post that was in Rachelle’s page and read it aloud. “It was dated February 13, 2005, OMG! Its three years ago already?” she hurriedly tried to move the mouse and click on the reply button. She tried to compose what she wants to say “Rachelle Milligan, Yes! You have a chance. I’m sorry for ignoring you but now I know love is unconditional and you showed me what it means. Can we start all over again?” she click the post button and hope to get a response.

Days past and then weeks turn into months but still Lucy received no response. “She must have decided to forget me, maybe she’s not active in the net anymore or maybe she already have loved someone else”, she said one day. “But I won’t give up! She must know and I will tell her personally”, she mumbled.

She tried to call her old number but it wasn’t working anymore, she tried to visit her parents house but they don’t live there anymore. They just have moved out last year and no one exactly knows about there whereabouts.

In a resto while Lucy was dining with her friends when she saw Rachelle’s officemate passing by near the window. She hurriedly stood up and tried to catch up with her.

“Jane, wait!” she called out for her.

Then Jane stop at the moment she saw Lucy running towards her. “Lucy! Its nice to see you!” she said.

“Same here!” while she was catching for breaths. “Since when have you been back in town?” she asked.

“Will just last week, I’m off for vacation”, she replied.

“Oh good to hear that” she answered. “By the way any news about Rachelle? I just can’t contact her and her family just moved put last year.”

“My goodness! You don’t know the news?” she asked in amusement.

“What news?” Lucy was confused.

“Rachelle just died last year! Accidental pill overdose.” she said with sympathy.

“Oh…” Lucy lost her words and she don’t know what to say. “I was not inform about that.”

“I’m sorry girl… I know its hard, shes your best friend right?” she replied.

Lucy nodded her head while tears starts to flow from her eyes and then she tried to hug Jane. She don’t know what to do. Her world was drained to the news she just have heard and her heart was left in shambles. From that moment she knew there’s nothing left she can do to changed everything, her only choice was to move on. She was too slow and too late. If only she had answered the post earlier, if only she had seen her love earlier, if only she wasn’t avoiding her, ifs and only where the words left in her head.

Now the question is, how long will it take you to answer the post?

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Artistically Deadly

Since the past few weeks news about artists sudden deaths had been in the papers pages.

I don't know if its been coincidents or a pattern of mysterious death toll. I don't know if the kung fu/ kill bill personality was the first row in the list but since then i've noticed there were more who followed after him. There was the suicide death of a sculptor, death of a tv news personality, another actor and so on. Then flash within the headlines of yahoo news the latest on the list was the death of a famous singer, the king of pop.

Death seems to tragic but its a part of human cycle. But death with a sensational appeal may sound so big and drama. The rest of the death list cases were unsolve and remains obscure. some leaves a shock to the world and some seems unnoticed. So whats the real score?

Artist have been dying every bit of a second and i don't know whose gonna be next on the news. I never felt eerie of blaming it to some cult practise or an exchange deal with a soul. But the facts being presented sometimes my speculations can't just stop flying around. What if its the price they have to pay for the piece of fame and fortune? No one knows the truth about there deaths but the list keeps counting.

Friday, June 26, 2009

The Lucas Journal

To Lucas and his future children may you enjoy reading this.

Once during my secondary years, in a fine ash Wednesday I sat near two lovers in the church playground.
Then I noticed the boy tried to put his forehead against the girl’s forehead trying to kiss her.
The girl seems embarrass to the people around them tried to resist.
Then the boy who also seems embarrass to the resistance of the girl said:
“I saw a falling star last night and I made a wish, I never thought that wishes would come true,
Not until the moment I found you.”

(continued from the bottom)

December 30, 2009

I woke up with the disembarking sound of the boat. Finally I have reached the Port of Cebu, the start of my real journey. Then I fixed myself and slowly move out from the boat. I take a look at Santiago de Bohol, a small cargo and passenger ship which I always prefer when I travel back to Cebu after a weekend in Tagbilaran, and perhaps my last boat ride for the next two years.

A taxi drove me to Yani’s apartment where I will drop my things and have my nap as I do some few more goodbyes before my flight at four in the afternoon. It was still three in the morning when I reached the apartment and good thing he had handed me the extra key before he had to leave Tagbilaran two days ago.
Yani work at a call center firm from nine in the evening till seven in the morning, the apartment he had rented had two rooms which was quite handy for me.

The sun was shining straight into my eyes that force me to stand up rubbing my lids. I reached for the towel inside my knapsack and walk myself to the bathroom for a shower. Passing thru the kitchen area I notice someone was already there.

“Good morning Yan!” I greeted with a yawning.

Yani had already arrived from work and he was eating two toasted bread with a tea for breakfast.

“Good morning too, what you will do with your few hours here?” he asked.
“Just nothing much, I just need to visit my aunt and the graves of my departed family”, I replied.
“So how was it? Did the both of you talked to each other? Tell me what happened”, intriguingly he was now asking.
I hesitate to think about it for it was hard to imagine, “She didn’t showed up for days…”, the words that slipped from my mouth. Then avoiding the topic I continued walking to the bathroom. “I’ll just take a shower!” I shouted as I was slowly away from him.

After a soothing bath, which was all I need to freshen my memory and to set myself from the idea of leaving, I went back to the kitchen to see if Yani was still there. The place was quite and empty seems like he had made his rest after that light breakfast he took. Without further delays I prompt to what must be done. Two graves to visit and one relative’s house to check. The weather wasn’t quite cooperating, it was gloomy and soon few drops of rain had fallen. I had my jeepney ride refusing Kent’s transportation service and told him to meet me at the apartment by one in the afternoon.

12:54 pm, three more hours before four. I don’t have much time left and I decided to skip lunch, I don’t know what I was feeling from this very few hours, I feel like anxious, afraid and excited. My appetite had lost its fervor. Then my phone rang, I already knew whose the caller, so brusquely I answered the call.

“Are you already there?” the other line asked.
“Yes, I’m all set, I just need to pull out my things and I’ll wait for you outside the apartment”, I answered.
“Good were already near, just wait for a few minutes. Cherie is with me and she had her friend too, Caescent. We’ll dine in a seafood resto near the airport she’ll treat us as your despidida party. Isn’t that great?”
“Ahh.. she shouldn’t have bothered there’s no need for that besides..”, I wasn’t able to finished my sentence when I could hear some one else in the line.
“Hello Lucas! Cherie here, were almost near and I brought Caescent with me, is it ok with you? She said she wants to meet you and she promise not to do any harm”. she said with a giggle.

Right before I could answer I have already seen the car coming so I dropped the call and search for Yani. He was in the living area trying to fixed my things, I haven’t noticed him came from his room maybe I was too busy over the phone to feel his presence.

“So they will pick you up?” referring to the person I have talked over the phone.
“Oh yes, they’re already here. Would you like to come with us? I would love you to meet them.”
“No, thanks! I’ll just stay. Besides I have somewhere else to go after you leave. Just take care of yourself and have a safe trip. Don’t ever forget to communicate,” he said.
“Ok then I won’t force you. Surely I will be fine there, you also take care of yourself and one thing, promise me you would also take good care of her for me?” I said with a smile.
“No problem about that but I can’t always watch over her. She’s in Tagbilaran while I only seldom went home. But for sure I will update you to what she’s been up to every now and then,” he promised.

Kent had already came out from the car and trying to put my baggage at the back seats. Yani also help with the arranging of my things inside the car. When all was set I tapped him at the back, it was my cue to go, it was my farewell.

I seat beside Caescent whose a smart petite fine lady. She seems so nice and even manage to relate with me even though this was our first encounter.

“Lucas, I want you to meet Caescent, my best friend,” Cherie said.
“Oh its nice to meet you at last! Cherie was talking so much about you the other time you had this escapade,” as Caescent started the conversation.
“Too bad you weren’t able to come during that time,” I took her hand and made a shake.
“I’m so glad to meet you also. Something just happened during that time although honestly we were all set to go, guess we just can’t avoid unexpected matters. I hope its ok with you that I’ll go with you to the airport?” she said.
“Its not a problem with me but I guess Kent will complain so much because his car is loaded.” tapping his back.
“Oh sure its not a problem as long as Cherie here will feed us up, right Che?” while turning his head back and stirring the wheel.
“Opps! Kent, eyes on the road!” Cherie push his face forward. “Lucas still have a flight to catch and we don’t want any delays from unexpected things, right guys?” she added.

The road to the International Airport in Mactan seems too far. Our travel in the road was like taking some hours or maybe I just had needed time to slow down a bit for me besides why do I need to be in a hurry?
All I have to do was to savor the time left for me with this crowd because after tomorrow I will be with a set of different company.

We had the finest food the restaurant could offer. Surely I did consume a lot. We had talk so much and at the same time eat more. It was then I realized that somebody was calling my mobile. It’s a long distance call, perhaps from the company that I will be working. Then it called again and as I answered a Filipina girl was on the other line.

“Hello, I’m sorry I missed your previous call, I didn’t notice my phone rang.” I said with apologies.
“How are you there? Your flight will any hours from now, are you already set?” she replied.
“I’m all fine. In fact I’m already near the airport and any minute from now I will be checking in for departure.”
“Then good! You will arrived here by one in the morning, somebody will pick you up in the arrival area. And we’re very sorry you can’t spent your New Year with your family, Its just that you’re urgently needed here.” That was the last words she have said then the line suddenly got cut off.

She shouldn’t apologized for that. In the first place it was my choice to leave soon. Honestly I could opted to have it scheduled at the second week of January but I had it on this date. The sooner the better, I don’t want to prolonged my agony of waiting and I just want to escape away from the hurt that I’m feeling now.

We already arrived in the airport after we had left the restaurant. It wasn’t so busy and only few people were around. Maybe I was way too early for my scheduled flight so I choose to go back to the three persons behind the glass in the check-in counter. We had a few more talks and taking some photographs before I decided to go back to the counter. I glanced back at them trying to memorize their present features.

Kent still resembles this soccer player physique although the few pounds he had gain since he quit the sport are already visible. He had almost the same height as me but he seems weight more heavier. He always keep his hair short and fixed it up with hair gel. We often dubbed him as the gentle giant since for his built he moved to slow due to the ankle pain he got from the soccer days. While Cherie was a round face gal with curly hairs on the sides. Her tan complexion make her resembles more of a true blue Filipina beauty. Still single and searching for Mr. Right after she had the break up with her lover a few years back. She admitted she already gained some extra pounds since the day she started hanging out with me and Kent yet it isn’t still that too bad because she always manage to hide it her flowing dresses. Caescent had this smart look with hair pulled up and keep curled from the back to look more like Chinese hairdo. She was leaner than Cherie and a bit shorter too. Although I just meet her, she seems too known to me because of the stories Cherie told us about her.

The three of them waved goodbye as they disappeared from the glass. I guess they already leaved which made me to continue walking to the pre-departure area. There I found myself sitting in an empty row of seats. I pick up my knapsack and pulled out a book which I decided to start reading. I was now waiting for the boarding time so I busied myself for a while. Few people come to sit on the empty chairs, some asked questions regarding the time flight and the information printed in their tickets which they seem not to understand or able to read, and some asked for directions to the nearest toilet.

After a few hours of waiting, people suddenly stood up from there seats and tried to make a line. I could hear the voice from the speakers in the corner a lady announcing the boarding time for my flight. Hurriedly I keep my book in the bag and stood up as I join the crowd.

I feel very excited at the same time very anxious, its my first time to be away from my country and its my first time for an international flight. I got to seat near the window side which I thought was good for me. I will be flying in the evening and I would love to see the stars outside and the lights of the cities below. Beside me was a Filipino Diplomat from Turkey which I knew by the name of Jovi. We started talking to each other and having to share each owns itinerary. We are both on the same connecting flight to Qatar with a different schedule for the next flight. So with my attempt to practice my socialization with strangers (which I’m not good at) I started asking him some few questions.

“My father got hospitalized, and he needs a certain operation to survive. So as soon as heard the news a flew to Philippines with just a short notice from the office“, he continued as we finished our conversation of getting to know you and were you from.
“Things suddenly differ now a days”, he added as the flight attendant were serving our food.
“The life I’m leaving in Turkey seems difficult already and there are certain things that happened which I couldn’t explain theoretically. Its like a cult are starting to make a war against the ruling government and the safety of expatriates like us living there are being threaten. Then now this unexpected thing happened, my father got hospitalized. Its very hard to leave my family in the country that’s not our own that why I booked immediately a return flight as soon as I found my Dad’s condition was now fine.” We were talking a lot that I didn’t noticed we were about to land in Doha.
“I have been to your province, Bohol right?” he asked.
“It’s a very mystical place and people who dwells there seems to be a flock of chosen ones. Each has its own story and destiny to fulfill”, he stood up to get his thing from the over head baggage cabin.
“And I think your story starts here, welcome to your journey! Just embrace the future that awaits you because there’s no escaping for it” he finished his sentence as a flow of people seems to pushed him forward. I was fixed to his eyes until a bunch of people from behind seems to be pushing each other forward. I realized that I need to move forward and leave the plane, while still confused and astound to Sir Jovi’s words I decided to keep my phase faster and look for him to have his contact info but he is no where to be found. As I descended from the plane there were three con bus waiting to take the passengers to the terminal lounge. Confused which one Sir Jovi took I picked the middle one.

I made the wrong guess. He was no were to be found anymore. I proceed to the counter which may ticket instructed me to go. Gate 8, the pre departure area for my next flight. It was not much hard to find due to the plenty of electronic signs around the area. The plane arrived ahead of time which leaves me to wait for the counter to accept check-in passengers.

Traveling alone is not easy, there are some things that you want to go and can’t be made due to the burdening baggage. One of it was peeing. “Don’t leave your things unattended for our security personnel will confiscate unattended bags for security reasons,” the sign on the wall says. “Yeah I know, terrorism security measures but were will I leave my things? The counter is still close and I need to pee damn! Don’t tell me I’m going to bring this things inside the toilet? Crazy!” I murmured. Without a choice I leave my things in an empty row of seats near to person who was sleeping from the behind. “Noting bad would happen if I’ll leave this for just a few minutes? I’ll just run to the toilet and pee hurridly,” I said to myself.

After I finished myself from the toilet I made a little stroll around the terminal. I was fascinated to see that the facilities this airport have were a bit different from the my country had. This one had a prayer room, a canteen, a calling area, WIFI hub, and a lot more. I see some British and Arabs doing something from there laptops and phones, maybe surfing the net. As I got nearer to my things, I noticed something had been wrong with my knapsack. I run to the seats were I left my baggage and checked if anything was missing. The man sleeping behind the seats was gone and the front pocket of my bag was open. I feel my heart breathing fast as I lean forward to the see the shining piece of metal inside the pocket. Without any hesitation I zipped the pocket thinking how could someone put some precious thing like this to my bag. I looked from left and right every now then to see if someone had noticed me and the shining metal inside my pocket. I decided to keep this thing with me unless someone asked me for this. I couldn’t give this away to the security personnel or any terminal attendant, someone intended to put this inside my bag. Then I checked bag my baggage for something might have stolen from me in replacement to what he had left.

“Checked”, nothing was gone from my side. All was intact and in there proper place. Slowly I walk in to the counter to hand in my ticket, checked in area was already open. They have my stroller bag and a few things and left in my hand was the knapsack I had with the piece of small metal thing inside it. There were only few people in the waiting area or the seats were just few? Only six sitter seats were found in the four corners of the area. One was right below the escalator, one from the left of the glass window and two in the right were the glass door was located. I settled on the seats from the right just between the two person sitting apart. From my right was a black man with full dress and a muslin cap on his head, on my left was a British on a leather jackets and boots. Few minutes then the other seats were also occupied my two Filipino Muslims fresh from Mindanao and a blonde woman was sitting near on the left side seats.

I slowly opened my knapsack to see if that metal thing was still in its place, I grab my bag near my chest so that the glow it gives off wont attract the attention of the people around me. As look around the man sitting at the left seems to give me this conspicuous look which I ignored. Then as I closed the bag the man on my right gives me this suspicious look which send shivers to my skin. I looked back to left and noticed that the man sitting there had stood up and slowly walked near me. I moved myself to right which makes me more afraid because the black man had rose to get a grab of my bag. I hugged my knapsack tightly as the other people sitting across me moved towards me. Then slowly there features were changing. There flesh were slowly flaking revealing some dead and bruised muscles. There clothes were torn and they walked slowly trying to get a grab of me and my bag. They were now becoming living zombies with a desire for flesh and I am there food. I couldn’t do anything for I was surrounded as I curled myself while the nearest one had already got hold of my hand. I was resisting there grasp while some of them were focused on the thing in my bag. I was hopeless to die being eaten by zombies so with all my breath I tried to scream for help. The moment I took a deep breath I got awake. It was just a dream, I fall asleep while waiting for the con bus to my plane. I realized that the people sitting in the benches have already piled themselves outside which leaves alone in the room. In a jiffy I picked up all my things and tried to join the crowd outside.

I boarded the plane and sat near the window area, this time no body was sitting beside me. I looked down to see the beautiful city lights below. The flight was just about forty-five minutes and then we landed. I couldn’t believe myself, finally I’ve already reached my destination, my place for a new start and new experiences. I descended from the plane and took a deep breath to feel the cold breeze with excitement I whispered to the air, “Hello Bahrain!”

Friday, June 12, 2009

Filipinos, how free are you?

Its never new to any countrymen the history of its own freedom.
To each of his own story of Independece every country strive to prove its name to the world.

Today June 12, my countrymen are celebrating the indepence of our nation. It had been a public holiday and everyone is free to savor its time. But mostly out of a break like this thus any ordinary citizen try to reflect the value of its indepence?

Now a days my country is still bound to the influence of its colonizers. The government who tried to run the country have long live failed to give its people the true essence of freedom. Seems like we are robbed off by our rights and had made to move like puppets.

The people in the poverty line will always say they don't have a choice and they need to stick with those who are in power. They need to live and they will never give a damn to the government as long as their life is not at stake.

Is this what we are celebrating?

Ninoy Aquino once quoted that the filipino people are worth dying for, are we trying to prove him wrong?

How many more annomalies do we need? how many violence do we need to have? how many heroes do we need to kill?

Lets stop sitting around and be like a sloath. Lets make some noise, be seen and be heard. But it doesn't mean you need to bring your placards and move around the streets of EDSA. What i mean is break away from the strings that are controlling our lives. Do what is right and respect what is right. With the ability to choice come the consequense of responsibilty. Freedom is not easy but we asked for it. Rizal and his people had done there toil to give us our freedom now its our time to show gratitude by claiming and owning it.

Filipinos will always be Filipinos and freedom will always be our insignia. Let us tell Rizal or Ninoy that they did not waste there life because there countrymen are free like a bird.

Long live our Independence!