Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Letter of Intent

Dear Seph,

It took me few days to come up with this letter. I have to gather all my courage to start writing the first words.

I know it is not far from your knowledge and senses the efforts and approaches i have exerted to make you feel special, indeed you are right, i am treating you special.

As i said before, when words seems to hide and if i can't push them out i try to put them in writings. So this letter mainly expresses all the things i want you to know all this times.

The truth is, i like you. Worst i am starting to move beyond like and it feels like love. I don't know what i see in you that makes it hard to resist. Maybe its true, "it takes no time to fall in love but it takes years to know what love is" and i am starting to fall for you. i don't mind your flaws, your attitude, your whine, your being you.

You might not be able to return it back, its ok. Just don't let me stop loving you. Its a torture for me to pretend like i don't care, to resist you and meeting you in the eye when opportunity allows and yet i pretend that there's nothing at all. but i am not a good pretender, the eye is the window to my soul and i want you to see through me.

Love is something you give, share it with no expectations for return investment, no interest rate, and no pretentions. that's how i define love and that's how i practice it.

You may wonder why now? why you? I can only answer you with i don't know, if not now then when? If not you then who? One cannot teaches the heart when and whom to to love. Love is simply it is and its a wonderful feeling that needs to be shared and flourished.

But no worries, i am giving myself a deadline and i am making it now. I will not stop loving you but i will distance myself from you. I say its better to keep this emotion, i bet its better. But i guess they are right, if i keep on hiding this and if i keep it all time. I might explode one day, these are thing you just can't let it pass. these are the things you cannot postponed because i don't wan't to regret one day that i wasn't able to tell you how i feel. life is too short to go on leaving in regrets of the things that should have been done, that have been said but left dead because i was coward.

I know your hesitations and i am not asking more from you. I respect your values, your beliefs. but according to a hedonism principles you can never be happy unless you seek greater happiness with others, as no man is an island. We can start as a very good friend, a companion you can be with when you're alone, someone who listens to your woes and complains, someone you can trust, throw ideas, you can argue with, your crying shoulder,your someone when they all fail you because honestly in me i want you to be that someone. It is hard to be alone and its hard to grow old alone.

Whatever your decisions will be just don't forget you can always count on me like a brother, a friend. You can always open up your problems and almost everything to me. You know i will always listen, I will always have a time for you. Whatever your problem is i will try to help you with all my might and we'll solve them together.

but if its hard for you to accept this fact, you can always skip the first part, burn after reading, pretend it wasn't written. Go on as if nothing had happen.

Loving you now and forever.

Your secret admirer

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